To Listen Deeply to Another

When the listener listens deeply to a speaker, they undergo the shared experience of recounting the story. From The Body Keeps Score, I learned that retelling a story alters the neural pathways that hold the story and changes the details and perceptions of the speaker about the story. To listen deeply is to interpret the story as the speaker tells it and understand how that event once shaped them. Furthermore, a deep listener affirms the potential new feelings that arise from the speaker upon recounting the story. The interaction changes both participants, and for some of the storytellers that visited the class, I am glad to hear that the experience is cathartic for them.

Outside of the story collection process, stories do not need to contribute to trauma to be worthy of a focused listener. We often exercise deep listening when a friend vents to us or when we listen to how someone’s day went. When I listen deeply to my friends, I feel a greater connection to them. The storyteller reveals their vulnerability by sharing a part of themselves that they cannot control and that they feel the problem is insurmountable. One of the most important parts of listening deeply is to recognize what response is warranted. Not every speaker is looking for a solution. I often find that the best response is to share their burdens with them. Essentially, I become a sounding board to help alleviate the speaker’s burden for the time that we are together. I reciprocate the emotions that the speaker emanates, which is how I feel validated when sharing something personal.