How Holding Space Taught Me To Listen

As someone who has always deeply cared about people, I find I have trouble not taking on other people’s problems and trauma as my own. Through this course, I have begun to see the difference between “holding space” for someone and allowing them to share their story without feeling like I need to tie myself in and make their problems my problems. From my experience with both telling and receiving stories this semester, “holding space” simply means allowing yourself to create an environment for the speaker that is comfortable enough for them to be vulnerable and share their story on their own terms rather than forcing a story out or making it your own story. I found that by holding this space and allowing someone to simply be vulnerable with me, I knew myself and my own story better. I realized how I carry my own trauma and stress both very similar and vastly different from the people around me. The act of simply listening and comprehending someone’s story provided me with the knowledge of how to be a better listener in my daily life. Too often it is too easy to interject in a conversation and tell someone how your story is like theirs or how you know a friend that this happened to as well. However, most of the time, people just want to be heard not told how their life is just like someone else. I found this to be tremendously true when I had the opportunity to share my own story with a peer. The experience of sharing my story with someone who at the time I barely knew, gave me the confidence to share things that I had not verbalized yet. My peer held space for me yet never interrupted or tried to make my story something common. It empowered me in a way that I had yet to experience and it has made me bring that out into my daily life. I spend more time listening to how my friends are doing and holding space for them to share whatever they want me to know.